I read through my old blog and realized how many of my posts are peppered with events and incidents which I don't even remember anymore. It is quite astounding to see for myself how much I've changed since November 2005. It was a year of a great change of perspectives. 2006 was a bittersweet year - a year in which many memories were made, and also a year when I learnt that sometimes friends can leave with hurtful words hanging in the air. It was also the year when I bid goodbye to my sister who left for Queensland. In 2007, I gave up on blogging because I needed to move on to a fresh start - one that won't give me unpleasant flashbacks. I started blogging again in November 2007 just before I went to Singapore. That was my clean slate.
After I read these excerpts from a few of my old posts, all I could do was sigh.
One. This isn't just a Christmas wish. I just want an answer. I want to know the reason, the real truth. I want to know why you lied to me, why this happened, why I can't know why. I want to know why you chose that day. I wish I could make a wrong into a right, but it isn't possible, so the next best thing is to know why. I just want to know. I feel like I deserve an explanation. And I'm sure if I were to ask you before all this happened, you would think so too. After all those times, WHY? I have tried to understand, but truth be told, I cannot even begin to comprehend it any more than I could in the beginning. I'm stuck where I started. And all I need is for you to, for once, forget the past and talk.
"Which colour? Red? Green? Yellow? What? Faster, I have to make my decision now!"
The sheer irony of it all! Who cares what colour it is now? That stint was funny though. Ah, good times. It's sad to say goodbye. It's never easy to say it. It isn't so much as saying it, it's doing it. The act in itself is a slow painful process.
When tomorrow comes, rise and shine, greet the beautiful morning outside and remember, I love you.
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