For being there

This afternoon, I walked back to my room feeling weary and above all, just sad. The sadness seemed to trail behind me, seep into the walls of my room, and enclose me in the small space I claim as my zone. This afternoon, I curled up into a protective ball, as if I hoped that I could just disappear for a moment to make all of this stop. I went to sleep, figuring that maybe I could just forget and actually smile for real when I woke up. I did wake up, but only to go back to sleep, not caring if I slept past the time class was supposed to start. In that moment, it seemed like whatever I did wouldn't matter. All I wanted to do was sleep away the pain.

But I woke up and managed to sort my thoughts out. Enough wallowing. I need to take steps forward, not stall at the same position. I know the road isn't gonna be easy, but no one said it would be.

By night, I didn't have to force-smile anymore. Instead, I was wearing a full-blown grin while munching away on the jagung (maize) that I'd bought at the pasar malam (night market). Beng Yen, who had never been to the pasar malam after two whole semesters here, suggested that we go there while we still have ample time to go somewhere else to have a look-see. I think our little trip cheered me up a lot.

I'm glad I have such great friends who stick by me and put up with my angry-sad-moody-pissy mood swings (both personally and virtually). I don't know what I'll do without all of you. :)

**

It's been a long time.

Yeah.

I missed you.

Me too.

You did what I couldn't do. I didn't think you would, but you did.