Shift

If there is one thing that stands out as a contrast between being a kid and a teenager (I'm still entitled to say that for another year), I'd say it's the consciousness of time. When you're a kid, you barely remember time passing by. It just seems like every day blends into each other to form the few years that your memory stores under 'childhood'. And then when you step into school, you begin remembering timelines a bit more clearly. As you progress into the stage of the terrible teens, you start breaking down the years into more significant events that form your memories. And then when you turn into an adult, you stop for a moment one day, and think, who am I now?

Now that I'm on the threshold of adulthood, I think that if there is one thing that I would've told my younger self if I were given the chance to travel back into time, I'd say live more. There is a part of me that I've never quite recognized and acknowledged until recently. When someone asks me what is one of my biggest regrets of the past, I always get stumped, because one, I don't want to come across as being ungrateful/bitter/selfish/delusional, etc, and two, people always say that you can't change things that have already happened, so just derive lessons from them and live with them. But, now, if someone asks me that question again, I have an honest answer.

One thing that I regret about my past is being too introverted. I have vague recollections of my kindgarten friends. I remember them mostly from photographs, but I don't know any of them now that we've all grown up and gone our separate ways. In primary school, I had my clique, as did everyone else. But my social circle was very small, limited to those whom I knew for a long time and was very familiar with. Back then, one of the things I dreaded the most was facing strangers because it gave me a feeling of not belonging. I simply disliked being forced out of my comfort zone. Come secondary school, I did better in expanding my social network, meeting people outside of the classroom and mingling with new people.

But I wish that I could've a bit more like what I am now. I know, most of my friends who are reading this right now are probably going she's saying WHAT?, but I don't blame them because they only knew me when I was already more outgoing and less highly strung. Before this, I didn't think that I was a people person, but the last two years have opened up my mind a lot as to how I view myself. Reflecting back, I realized that I've progressed rather far, from a recluse to where I am now. (Okay, maybe I should say very far, given my penchant for speaking and my loudness that has advanced in its appearance from very rare to very common. Sigh.)

Somewhere along the way, I must've taken a turn and decided that enough is enough. Today, I'm glad for that.