Superficiality

I want to say this.

We skim the surface and leave the depths unexplored. We leave sentences hanging in mid-air, even though we really want to pursue them. We think that our nods suffice, that no elaboration is necessary. We let the silence grow because isn't that just how it works?

That's what we often make ourselves think.

There are things I want to say but never do because I don't feel like it is ever right to. It never feels appropriate because I don't think you ever want to talk about them. It never feels right because I don't think you care about them anyway. All I'd get is prolonged silence that'll just stretch 'til someone pipes up with something completely different. Then we pretend that whatever it was was never brought up and we just forget it, adding another item on our list of things unsaid. So what if we just let it slip by? It's okay, we don't have to talk about it anyway. Except that I wish we can.

I'm starting to think it's all a little too superficial, too dependent on the give and take that we are supposed to follow. The theory is something that everyone is supposed to subscribe to, one way or another, but who says that we have to do it that way? Who says that we have to keep ticking the boxes in the checklist that is supposed to summarize our interactions? Who says that we have to be that way just because the textbook guide to life says so?

All I want is some depth and abandon. And those are the things that try as I might, I cannot find. I know that they exist somewhere. But tonight, I'm beginning to think that I've been holding out for something that I doubt is coming out of this.

I have found them elsewhere, but I still wish I can find them here.