Limbo

These days, I go to bed feeling lethargic and so glad that my head will hit the pillow and my mind can stop forcing its gears to keep on moving, moving, moving. I don't like this feeling because I know its repercussions - they're bad. I've been consuming a lot less caffeine this semester because I don't want to be dependent on caffeine to keep me going. I think that's one of the few good habits that I've managed to keep up so far.

I've been swamped under a lot of work and mugging materials as of late. I've been spending a lot of time mugging subject after subject that I never quite seem to be able to completely let go and relax for one whole day without the slightest shred of guilt. Ish. Come to think of it, I think I've just reached an all-time high of muggingdom (that's not an official word; don't crack your head trying to figure out where you've heard it before).

Is that good or is that bad? I don't know. On one hand, it has helped me build my discipline (which, contrary to what most of the people I know think, isn't that great because I can end up watching two episodes of Grey's Anatomy in one sitting instead of working on my tutorials in a night). On the other hand, I feel as if it is robbing me of my me-time and especially my social life. I haven't even been eating out much this semester. The usual reason? I've got a lot of work to do. When I'm finally able to escape from the tight clutches of assignments and tests, everybody else is busy. When I am held captive in that iron fist, most of my friends seem rather laidback. WHYYYYY? I haven't even been eating out with my floormates for quite a while now. :(

Just yesterday, Beng Yen and I were talking about how we're constantly rushing. We work, work, work and then we burn out. Is that good? I know it isn't. I've felt that before and I didn't like it one bit. It's like pushing yourself near the brink over and over, withdrawing at that last moment before you fall off the brink. Doing it once is bad enough; doing it repeatedly is just wrong. Yet, like we both agreed, sometimes it's as if we're just not willing to let go. I know why some people think we're mad to be constantly on the go, moving on from one hurdle to another, all the while knowing that we're sacrificing things that we actually want to enjoy.

I don't like it when people make assumptions. Things don't come by easily for most of us. As I was going through my reading material the other day, I realized how true it is that who you are today isn't so much because of what you can do, rather, it is mostly due to the conditions and opportunities around you. Of course, this doesn't mean that personal abilities and achievements don't figure into the equation. They do, but they just don't encompass everything, as most assume.

That said, I get riled up when people assume that I'm a mugger who wants to do nothing but study - basically, a college student who isn't quite living life a la college kid. Are you kidding me? Do you even know that I enjoy shopping? Do you even know that I love the feel of the cool breeze on my face when I'm strolling at a leisurely pace? Do you know that I like sitting down in a secluded corner, exchanging news over a drink? You don't.

The thing is this: we're all different. We were born and bred in different circumstances. We were taught different principles. We formed different viewpoints and approaches to challenges. Today, we are different people. We do not think alike, nor do we act alike. We have sets of beliefs that may or may not intersect. We are different. You do things your way and I do them my way. I don't see the need to argue over who is right and who is wrong. My point here is: stop comparing and dropping comments that no one asked for in the first place.

I'm tired of this mumbo-jumbo.